You Have to Earn God
You Have to Practice Love
“You do not deserve love regardless of the suffering you have endured. You do not deserve love because somebody did you wrong. You do not deserve love just because you want it. You can only earn — by practice and careful contemplation — the right to express it and you have to learn how to accept it. Which is to say you have to earn God. You have to practice God. You have to think God — carefully. And if you are a good and diligent student you may secure the right to show love. Love is not a gift. It is a diploma. A diploma conferring certain privileges: the privilege of expressing love and the privilege of receiving it.”
— Toni Morrison in Paradise (1997), “Divine”, pg. 141
The school of Love has the most difficult course work to walk thus far. It’s prerequisite requires us to abandon all the tools we used to build our walls and “Ohhh what great big walls we have!”
Impressive in their sturdiness
Formidable in their magnificence
Concrete in their rock hard solidity
Oh these great big walls we have
How they keep us safe?
Love asks us to abandon every single tool we used to build a fortress around ourselves and call it a house. We beg and plead, “I will do anything but please let me keep the house…I must keep the house.” The begging turns into frustration.
“You must not know who my neighbors are. They bomb children and call it self defense. They rip apart bodies to mine minerals for devices they force us to pay bills on. I can’t look at a poplar tree without seeing my cousin, and...
Oh Love,
You don’t know who my neighbors are so I’ll strike you a deal. I’ll give you my song and even my dance. I’ll give you my hands and pray to you out loud for everyone to hear. I’ll paint portraits as mirrors and draw abstractions as portals. I’ll carve clay instead of bodies and cornrow my hair in a way that tells the whole world I’m yours. Just please let me keep the house.”
None of these offerings are sufficient. All of the artifacts are merely evidence of the aspiration. The aspiration of the privilege to express and receive love. Love will only accept the violent, destabilizing, terrifying ordeal of burning our own house. The walls we built around us. Once inside (Love’s favor) we trade our wallbuilding tools for worldbuilding tools.
Tools that finally allow us to tend to the abandoned landscapes of our inner worlds. The childhood memories composted too soon, the dreams extinguished before they knew fire, the wounds unkissed for centuries. Only through trading in the wall building tools, do we get the tools for tending to the landscape of our longing. Our inner world. Compared to the fortress we called a house, this space is infinite. So. You smile and you play. You build water parks. You slide. You fly. You laugh. You cry. You thank Love. You thank God.
But still no diploma. Demolishing our walls was the prerequisite. Letting love enter this inner world, this new home, is the course it takes work to walk. And the vulnerability of giving the love we have just received is the work this new home calls for. Will we do the coursework and homework love assigns?
The prerequisite was never courage, it was always surrender. Surrendering to a call that promises nothing in return beside this landscape. This expanse. This clearing. This loophole of love with tools for traversing its many courses. We don’t deserve it but it is our purpose. It is our privilege. It is our pleasure…to welcome you here.
The Journey of Transformation
Love teaches me.
I teach Love.
This is the agreement we’ve come to, the only survival spell that has worked thus far. And I’ve tried them all. We’re bending toward year 404 and this is the only spell that has gotten us this far.
The bad news, there are no promises. We aren’t owed safety1, just like we aren’t owed love. It’s something we make, it’s something we practice, it’s something we build together. No, not a house as a fortress for self but a school where we each bring a lesson Love taught us on our journey toward her gates.
The good news? Each one of our journeys of transformation toward Love’s lips is different. We all took a different path, with different sights, sites and birdsong. The wind danced differently through the trees to get to each of us and the air never smelled the same after the fire.
The fire of our surrender brought down the walls and created a clearing. We all have our own field guides to teach from inside the clearing we will turn into a classroom. How will you shape your journey of transformation into lesson plans all about love? How has love transformed you?
Join Us For the Upcoming Worldbuilding Workshop
To think through this question together. In the spring Seed A World Retreat we will learn how to demolish our walls of perceived safety and instead build a schoolhouse for practicing Love. Your creative container as an offering that gives us the tools we need to build a world where Love feels safe to practice again.
What we’ll cover in the workshop? You'll be introduced to Seeda School's Worldbuilding Framework for crafting an online course offering inside your interdisciplinary art, cultural work or community organizing practice. The Framework consists of nine critical action steps with three major milestones: Deciding on your course topic, developing the outline for your course and enrolling learners into your course.
See you there?
With love,
Ayana
Thank you for this.
I just want to highlight some quotes of things that I enjoyed from this piece.
I wish you well and express gratitude for this again.
“Our inner world. Compared to the fortress we called a house, this space is infinite.”
“The prerequisite was never courage, it was always surrender. Surrendering to a call that promises nothing in return beside this landscape. This expanse. This clearing.”
“The bad news, there are no promises. We aren’t owed safety1, just like we aren’t owed love. It’s something we make, it’s something we practice, it’s something we build together. No, not a house as a fortress for self but a school where we each bring a lesson Love taught us on our journey toward her gates.”
You’re welcome. I love when that happens!